Monday

Where do I even begin..... The last few months have been difficult to say the least. Financially we have never been in such a bad place. I did my last contract for my previous company in July and now that the company has been bought over I doubt very much that I'll be going back there. I've started a business selling all sorts of baked good - biscuits, cakes, muffins, cupcakes - that sorta thing but seriously you cannot make enough money selling something that is so cheap to begin with. I work my ass off and the profit which I get back is minimal. I make just enough to cover my car, insurance and cell phone contract - and that's it! Things would be easier if I didn't have to help with my mom's medication and all her other extra's that my brother doesn't pay toward. Emotionally I've also never been in such a bad place. I'm happy one day and sad the next, and always always having to worry about money. When it comes to the end of the month its just tears tears and more tears. I'm so sick of it! We don't even get to have a dinner out. It was our anniversary last month so we went for lunch but then we were screwed for the rest of the month.

A couple of weeks ago I applied for 17 jobs - SEVENTEEN!!! Out of all of those I only got one interview. And when I went for the interview the position was at N's company - I was told ever so nicely by the bitchy consultant that they don't allow any family / relations to work there. I even applied for jobs that offered half the salary that I was getting over a year ago and heard nothing. N has applied for jobs in West Africa and various other places but nothing has come of it. We're so stuck and I don't know how to get out of it! I have had so many little breakdowns over the last few months that I swear I'm looking 10 years older than I really am. I cannot live my life like this anymore, so unfulfilling, so bored, so stressed and so unhappy. I just don't know what more to do.

On a positive note though (thank the Lord there is one) we have found a KD. He's our very best friend and both N and I have known him as long as we've known each other (15+ years). I've mentioned him many times in this blog, he was one of N's best men and it was him who's bf died in the plane crash in December last year.

We had planned to invite him to dinner and discuss it nicely but my lovely wife thought it more appropriate to blurt it out at Pride a few weeks ago - gotta love her enthusiasm! The next step is a semen analysis and then the usual blood tests (STD's and all that). We went to his birthday party on Saturday and we discussed it a bit more and it turns out his new bf is not very happy that he has decided to do this. But our KD is adamant that that will not affect him, this is the best gift he could ever give us. So lets just hope that his swimmers are all good and strong!