Meme

Thanks to Nicole for tagging me

Hair: Messy

Your Mother: Recovering

Your Father: Passed

Fav Food: All

Dream Last Night: Weird

Fav Drink: Coffee

What room are you in?: Bedroom

Hobby: Reading

Fear: Childless

Where were you last night?: Inlaws

Something that you aren’t: Content

Muffins: Chocolate

Wish List Item: Baby

Where you grew up: Kempton

What you are wearing: Jeans

Your Pet: Restless

Friends: Quiet

Something you’re not wearing: Scarf

Fav Store: Woolworths

Fav Color: Purple

Last time you laughed: Tonight

Your Best Friend: Unstable

Best Place you go over and over: Away :-)

Person who you email regularly: N

Fav Place to Eat: CiaoBaby


I'm a bit behind on doing this so everyone's been tagged already!

Monday

I'm literally counting down the days till my surgery - 23 days to go! It seems terribly long still and I'm not working at the moment which makes the time drag by even slower. I just pray that this does the trick. I've had my BFP post already planned word for word in my head and it would be heartbreaking to never be able to post it. I'm beyond concerned as to whether or not I'll actually ever fall pregnant. I can't look past the fact that I can't imagine myself pregnant, much like I can't imagine myself stick thin, its just something that seems so far out of reach. I long for the feeling of a little miracle growing inside me and not knowing if my future holds that scares me so much. I hate having no control over the situation. I'm not used to that. I'm used to having control over every little thing in my life. Not having control over this leaves me feeling very insecure and anxious.

If only I had a crystal ball....

Monday....again

Secondly, our goddaughter, Madison




She loves to frown!


I get to feed her whenever we visit but I haven't quite mastered the burping thing yet

Monday

Now that I've figured out that posting pics isn't the fault of blogger but actually mine (thanks AWJ) I thought I'd post the pics as promised.

Firstly, N's accident in February

Sunday

Wow I am so touched by your comments, and I seriously appreciate each and every one of them. The support system in this community is truly amazing and I am so thankful for it.

I can't believe the amount of new pregnancies in blogland that happened just this last week. I'm pretty sure this is a new record! I'm really happy for all of you and hope that you have happy, stress-free and healthy pregnancies.

Happy Easter to everyone! I hope you all have a good one. We haven't been up to much due to the crappy weather, it's been raining on and off since last week so it puts a bit of a damper on everything. Friday was pretty good though, our almost 6 week old goddaughter came with her parents for lunch. She is getting so big so fast and every time I hold her I don't want to let her go, she's just too precious.

I have so many pictures that I want to post but for some reason blogger hasn't allowed me to for over a month now and I can't seem to get it fixed. If anyone can help here's the problem - it allows me to download the pic but once its finished downloading it doesn't display the pic instead it gives a huge paragraph of letters and symbols....... any idea?

HSG results

The actual procedure went very well, there wasn't the tiniest bit of discomfort let alone pain. An hour before I took four Nuro.fen (Ibupro.fen) which definitely helped. When my doc said I was going to feel a burning / stinging sensation I expected the worse but didn't feel a thing. He injected the dye and I watched on the monitor but didn't really concentrate on what I was seeing as I was still expecting pain. I asked him if everything looked ok and he said that he'll talk to me once we're done, I should have known that something was wrong there and then. Our appointment for the consultation was over an hour away so we went to have a quick breakfast, but about five minutes after we left I got the most intense cramps ever. Seriously, I could barely talk, the pain just took my breath away. I took two more Nuro.fens and in about 10 minutes it started to subside. After breakfast we returned for our consultation appointment with the doc. He was so nice and quickly brought N up to speed on what his concerns were previously. Then he showed us an x-ray of a normal uterus and an x-ray of my uterus, and asked if we could see the difference. N immediately picked up that mine was not shaped the same. To my horror he began to explain that my uterus is concave on top which has something to do with a septum. He gave it a name but I have no clue what it was. Basically a fertilized egg would only have a small space to implant in and if by some miracle it did implant I would miscarry fairly early in the pregnancy. At this point I was close to tears thinking I would never bear a child. Then he added that I most probably have Endo.metriosis as well which is a big contributing factor to the amount of pain I have every month.

After all the bad news he said that it can be fixed by removing the fibrous (?) tissue on top of the uterus. He showed us a video clip of a procedure which he performed where the septum had divided the uterus completely and he had to cut the septum to make a normal single uterus.

Long story short I will have to undergo a Lap.aroscopy, Hyst.eroscopy, ablation of Endo.metriosis and a biopsy of the endometrim. AND this will all cost the same as an IVF procedure!! He seems confident that our medical aid will cover it but I know in South Africa our medical aids don't cover anything related to fertility.

Now the frustrating part - I will have to wait till the beginning of May to have these procedures and then only start with IUI's again in June (if all goes well). I know to some people this doesn't sound long but our last IUI was in February and I just feel like we're wasting so much damn time. That's what annoys me the most, oh and the fact that I'm booked to have the procedures the day before my birthday, that really sucks! They only do these procedures on Tuesdays and the Tuesday which I'm supposed to have it is a public holiday so it has to happen the week after.

After all this shitty news there are a couple of good things 1) My blood work all came back fine 2) I have immunity to Rubella (if I didn't I would have had to have gotten vaccinated now and waited another three months).

So that's my story. I'm really so upset about all this. Now instead of wondering "when" I'm wondering "if" it will ever happen.