I'm literally counting down the days till my surgery - 23 days to go! It seems terribly long still and I'm not working at the moment which makes the time drag by even slower. I just pray that this does the trick. I've had my BFP post already planned word for word in my head and it would be heartbreaking to never be able to post it. I'm beyond concerned as to whether or not I'll actually ever fall pregnant. I can't look past the fact that I can't imagine myself pregnant, much like I can't imagine myself stick thin, its just something that seems so far out of reach. I long for the feeling of a little miracle growing inside me and not knowing if my future holds that scares me so much. I hate having no control over the situation. I'm not used to that. I'm used to having control over every little thing in my life. Not having control over this leaves me feeling very insecure and anxious.
If only I had a crystal ball....
i know what you mean. there are so many uncertainties with TTC and then pregnancy and then motherhood. you'll make it through. just remember to breath and take care of yourself :) you'll be able to share that post someday.
ReplyDeletei know it is hard sometimes. I like to be in control also, and to have to wait, drives me insane. I am learning to live one day at a time. and our time will come. Your day will come. I am sure of it, because of your willingness to find the solutions.
ReplyDeleteSo funny that you write this. Not because the feelings are funny at all, but because I've had many of them myself, and continue to. I've never yet gotten a BFP, but I too compose my post in my head all the time and worry I'll never get to write it. You WILL get to write it. I don't have a crystal ball, but I believe that for you as I believe it for me.
ReplyDeleteAs for not being able to picture yourself pregnant, I think about that all the time too. But then I think about all the other things in my life I could never have pictured which actually happened, or which happened totally differently than I imagined. Hang in there. You're not alone.
You're on the road to making that post. First, you take care of yourself. :)
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way you do - that I couldn't get pregnant, I couldn't envision it, etc. But here I am (so far so good). You still won't believe it when you're here anyway!
I wish you a speedy recovery after the surgery.
Good luck!! Hope your surgery goes well and best wishes for a speedy recovery and BFP in the near future!!
ReplyDeleteI know the waiting game can be torture. Try to keep yourself busy and it might help the time pass. Have you read the secret? Be positive and believe in your baby and it will come! I love your wedding pics!
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