I did manage to get my bracelet. Over priced without a doubt but its what I was looking for so I just got it. An added bonus is that it matches with my earrings and my brooch.
On Sunday we visited my dad's grave. We mainly went to check if the grass is being cut and if it's looking neat. My family doesn't really go there. My mom has always had the belief that it is only what is left of the persons body that is buried there, not their soul, so she doesn't go to grave sites at all. I do understand where she's coming from but I still like to go there from time to time to pay respect. I went there last year on Fathers Day for the first time since the funeral. I went alone (much against N's wishes) and it was so hard. Since the sudden passing away of my dad I find it difficult to think about him without feeling sad. I think about our lives, about things that we spoke about, about things that happened, regrets that I have, so many things . I think about him throughout the day but at night when my thoughts run wild it often leads to thoughts of that day, that horrible horrible day. I wish that there was a pill that you could take that could make you forget. It feels like its been so long since I last saw him and I miss him so much. I miss his advice (he was a clever clever man with a practical way of thinking), I miss our conversations about our love of food and traditions, I miss knowing that he'll always be there to help me out if I need it, I miss our traditional Sunday braai's, I miss his friendship, I miss him confiding in me about the family, I miss having the hardships of my mom's illness shared between him & I and not having to deal with it on my own, I miss his spur-of-the-moment shopping sprees, I miss him giving me cupcakes on Sunday mornings but mostly I just miss knowing that he's there - I miss not having a dad.
I've been following this blog for some time now and when I read her post last week my heart broke. When relationships end it is hard but when you're planning on getting married and believing that that person is your soul mate only for them to fall out of love with you, well that's a whole new kind of hurt I think. It's heartbreaking!
I've always asked N to be 100% honest with me and I know that she is, I just hope that if she ever feels that her feelings for me are changing that she'll let me know so that we can work on it and save all that we worked toward. I love her dearly and would do anything for her, my soul mate and love of my life.
We feed the wild birds in our garden and yesterday while N was filing the seed containers she came across a tiny baby bird lying barely alive on the grass. She picked it up and brought it to me. I cannot bare the site of any animal hurt and in pain, it's horribly sad to see any animal suffer. So I nursed birdy throughout the day and tried to feed it some water but I think it was too hurt and too weak to survive so it died last night.
That's all for now.
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